**Disclaimer. The stunts discussed in this post are performed by trained professionals. And I’m pretty sure no animals were harmed.

Hey Bib,
I recently started dating a Russian woman who is a ‘Circus Performer’.
On our second date, she brought me back to her loft where she proceeded to suspend her body from the ceiling on a long piece of fabric.
Is that a sign that she may like me?
Should I offer to ‘spot’ her next time she does this, or should I just join in?
I should note that I am extremely frightened by both heights and clowns.

Answer(s):
Does she know that she’s on a TV show? Cause really, this could be an episode of something. And for reasons I’m not sure, you’d be played by David Spade.

But in all seriousness, if she goes on a second date with you (without much effort in asking), chances are, she likes you. It’s not too far off from a guy showing his barbed wire tattoo to impress a lady. The only difference is her skill is awesome and his tattoo is ridiculous. So now, it’s just a matter to what degree fabric suspension falls under. And for that, let me check my handy dandy manual here…

On a scale of 1 to 10 of “liking you”, ceiling suspension, indoor swing set and/or two person co-ed twister comes in at a solid eight. To put it into perspective, nine is “stripper pole dancing in bedroom even though she’s not a stripper” and/or “Pinata full of condoms”. Seven is “Laughs at jokes of yours that even you know aren’t funny” and/or “Starts checking future compatibility by using tried and tested childhood name match up games to see where you’re going to live, how many kids and what your occupation will be”.

Should you offer to spot her? Hmm, depends on how high she is and what you’re hoping to come out of it. Safety reasons? Well, I’m sure she uses those even when you’re not there. I’d simply ask, “Where would you like me”. Open ended questions about the spotting may lead to good things.

As for your Coulrophobia, clowns may be an issue if she starts inviting you to after parties. Try to meet the cast before make up and costume and that may set you a little more at ease. As for the fear of heights (Arcophobia), facing your fears may be rewarded when she’s up in the rafters naked and asking you to join her. Keep your eyes on the prize.

… and don’t forget to stretch!