The other day my wife woke up in the morning next to me a little on edge. It was surprising as we just happen to be one of those cliché couples that never goes to bed upset or angry. So knowing that something was off, I asked her if everything was okay. “Everything is fine”. But I’m sure any guy who’s been in a relationship that’s worth anything knows how that translates… I did something wrong.
My wife and I also have another rule to keep things efficient. I’ll ask twice. If she doesn’t tell me by then, I won’t ask anymore but will wait till she wants to talk about it. So upon my second enquiry, she felt she was ready to tell me the reason behind her slight withdrawal. And by slight I mean a lot and by withdrawal, I mean she was really pissed. I stopped what I was doing and gave her my full attention. “Okay babe, tell me what’s bothering you.”
“Last night I had a dream that you cheated on me.”
“Uhhhhhh… okaaaaaaaaay?!?! You know that I’m not right?”
“Yeah, I know, but the dream was so real.”
“So, you’re upset with me because of a dream you had that I have no control over?”
“Let me ask you this question. Would you be mad at me if you read a story about a guy who looks like me, but is clearly not me, cheated on his significant other?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s messed up. I’m going to go make some real coffee now.”
It didn’t take long for her to realize that she was being silly, however her emotions still ran high. All of the sudden I felt guilty for her feeling that way. And so I apologized.
Here’s why guys will never win an argument. It comes from our natural instinct to try to rationalize. We bring logic to a crazy fight.